It is coming up to the last week of February already, we all know that time is all wonky right now and has been for a year. A bloody year since we started getting worried about covid-19. Have we now come to the conclusion that this year is also a right off yet? I know some people are hoping to go away for a holiday, we will ignore the ones already doing that because “being an influencer is an important job that requires travel to insta-perfect locations” I don’t know how some are doing it when I get enormous guilt over just thinking about wanting to go to Wales.
Nothing has been done in the garden as the weather has not risen above freezing, with wind chill making it even colder. The soil is rock solid and is far too cold for my body to be able to handle moving things. The only time I have been out in the garden is to keep the bird food topped up, water defrosted, and cleaning out the chickens. All three of them have been in most of the week. I am yet to fix their run so it offers full protection from bird flu, the kitchen is easier, keeps their food away from wildlife, keeps them away from wildlife and running the risk of infection. I keep checking the DEFRA website for news of when they can run free again. They are really going to go nuts once they have free roam again, we are all fed up of being cooped in the house, I am sure they’re missing foraging, and chasing the little birds around.
I have been getting to grips with my own internal ableism. I honestly think this whole disabled malarkey would be easier if the only validation I got wasn’t from content creators. I really am finding it a lot more challenging with my physical illnesses than I do my mental ones. The “just push through it” thought process is the most damaging right now. This is slowly getting replaced with “breathe and relax”, “go and rest”, “things can wait”, etc if I have gone through DBT for my BPD then I can bloody well do it for my disabilities as it turns out all those judgments come from the same source as my BPD issues come from. Illness has never been believed or even allowed, especially if it stops you from doing something that “needs” doing. You are supposed to ignore the pain and push through it. “It makes you stronger” When you go to the drs, you are made to feel as though you are making excuses for not being able to do something. At home you’re being lazy.
So let’s talk about how I am as a person. My whole life is nature based, it makes sense that during the winter I just want to hibernate, and this was before the winter weather made my health worse. There is something about the smell of spring and autumn that ignites the urge to nest and prepare in the garden first, then the home; where as the summer is for relaxing, painting, and adding those “finishing touches” that are never truly finished because everything is always evolving.
Spring is in the air, I’ve been able to smell it for a while now but this week the birds have started to practice for the epic dawn chorus that happens every year. My mind at this time is always around nest boxes and tree trimming. This year made more difficult by covid restrictions. In the home I need to finish off sorting through some boxes, again because everything is closed it makes it extremely hard to donate anything. Its been stagnant for almost a year. It is what it is.
I am hoping this week will be as productive as it can be.