I have been spending the past six months pretty much just sleeping and crocheting, of course the crochet has also been part of my lives over on TikTok. Talking of which that is going well. In fact currently all things content creating is going well, and in the direction I want. I do still get stuck in my head occasionally but it is becoming easier as well as taking less time to get myself back out of the horrid brain arguments. I have started pc gaming and plan on adding myself to the many streaming on twitch. Unless it completely dies in the process. Not only can I game on there but also craft, just chat, and of course crochet.
Health wise is a different matter, not only am I struggling more than ever before physically but also mentally. Last Sunday was mothers day and these days simply hit differently since the death of my grandma. It threw me as I didn’t even know that it was mothers day until that very morning. I really have been missing her more and more, I simply need her advice with so many things and all of the hugs she can offer. If only wishes were horses right? Especially at the moment, I am at so many cross roads with so many questions it makes my brain hurt. So I am turning more and more towards my spirituality to bring me comfort and meaning, yes using spicy magic to keep me on track as much as possible. This week being the most significant because of the vernal equinox. A time where all seeds get planted not just physically but spiritually. Tomorrow (23rd March) is Hecate’s feast night so tonight I will be making an offering of an egg. An appropriate food for this time of year and I have been setting my intentions with it since the equinox.
So what are my intentions? Well some are private, even from you. Yes I know, shock horror! There are things I do not tell everyone even with being very open about things in my life. I do have goals for work related things and learning even more about how to balance my life to suit my health. I would like to hit 1000 followers on YouTube by the end of the year and hopefully maintain my Patreon. Basically trying again at the things that didn’t work out due to all the huge life changes u have been going through for the past year. So much upheaval, rethinking of the future, rethinking of everything including my own identity, you would of thought (well I certainly did) that by my age these things are already inlace but hell as I have since learnt, life is always evolving as we gain more knowledge and acceptance of others and ourselves.
It is another year of no summer plans. I can not see a way of me attending any festivals, I have accepted this and will be once again feeling all my festival love into my outside space. Talking of the garden there is a lot to do out there. Sadly being down to just one chicken now means she is spending more time with me in the front room. It does make sorting out the top of the garden easier which is good because the chicken area needs plenty of reworking. Who knows if flockdown ever ends I may get more, but with the way this strain is going there are reports of it creating another pandemic as it has crossed species and sadly one young girl has already died from it. So this is going to be taken into consideration when working on the run. I will be repurposing bit of the old greenhouse and then using any tree branches and off cuts that I can to build the rest. I am hoping to have the money to pay for someone else to cut the trees, I am still waiting to hear to see if I can get a quote but the way it is looking I may be doing it myself! Is this a good idea? No. Do I run the risk of hurting myself and possibly breaking something? Also yes ( I am thinking more fences than bones) but do I have much of a choice? No. So there is that.
I do have things planted and on the windowsill in the kitchen for now. There isn’t much but I am focusing on foods that we can turn into many a meal. Basically potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic. I do need to get some more filler veggies. obviously peas, oh I think I have some dried in a jar hmmmmm best hunt those out later and then have another assessment. I need to get some grow lights for the house so I can start an arboretum, well ok I wish I could, but no I am yearning for house plants. I want them every where, I have even thought about getting some air plants to grow on the dolls house I am making. If I am lucky enough to get my ceilings plastered this year I may even get around to start decorating. Yes I am getting a head of myself. All of these dreams and plans I have take money for the most part, money and health. Both of which I do not have much of really. Also with how things are going every bit of money I get goes towards energy, the council, and food. I do earn a little every month on Tiktok that goes towards buying supplies for my various projects. Luckily as I am making my way through as many miniature makers, and dolls house makers I am getting more and more ideas of things I can use that do not cost the earth and their recommendations for things like glue are all pretty much the same and give plenty of helpful tips. So I am learning from their experience, which in turn is saving me lots of money.
Going back to the council though, gods have I ever mentioned just how dehumanising trying to deal with them is? I mean they do not understand illness at all, they do not seem to get or even care about someones limitations and do not understand that I am indeed another human. Sure one of those lower class types you hear about all the time on social media from people who are delusional enough to think they are better. Ugh. Enough about those wilfully ignorant ablests who are so far up their own arse that they prefer to focus on other peoples lives than doing something to improve their own.
I am thinking this is enough of a very quick update of how things are right now. So I am sending you blessings for the up and coming growing year, or rest period if you are in the southern hemisphere. May the time and your mind be kind to you all.