Even though I still have this fucking virus, which according to the lateral flow tests isn’t covid, I am currently feeling quite optimistic about this year. We can’t get hold of PCR’s, but as soon as they are available I will be ordering one. We are now on the 5th and this year has already gone too fast, I have found over the past few years that being constantly ill and housebound means that days, months and years blend into one, yet you lose awareness of where about in the year you are in. To think that Covid is now a toddler is crazy, but then again pandemics tend to last a few years and that is even before you take into consideration all the variants that are continuing to make an appearance who knows how much longer this will go on for. So I am now taking this as normal, and you know what I am ok with that.
Other than sleeping and resting I have been putting far more energy into focusing on my own life and where I want to move it forward to. Do I know exactly how I am going to get there? Of course not. But have I thrown myself into a proverbial river to see where it takes me? Yes, yes I have.
I have started this whole bullet journal malarky, which in hindsight it would of better to of found a fascination with them say in November time, rather than a few days before the start of the new year.
My energy right now is being put into creating content, oh and live streaming on TikTok daily. The community we are building up in our early morning chats is amazing, I do not think people realise how much it helps me clear my head in the morning. Who’d of thought this time last year that all this would be happening. Heck I am only just getting up to 7k followers, so not big numbers in the grand scheme of things but that is still a lot of people, and these people have chose to follow me, for my random content, and for just being myself online. I never thought I would find so many lovely people who I could chat to online. And what else I have noticed is that because everyone is in my phone I can’t actually see them I am more relaxed that I would be talking a handful of people. This is still all blowing my mind a itty bit, but it also blowing peoples mind who never thought I would end up giving being a content creator a go. Although talking of which I do need to record a couple of things for Youtube and Patreon by the end of the week, I have been waiting for my voice to not be as croaky, and for what ever virus is kicking around in my system to not be sat on my chest making me sound like I am coughing up a lung, so to speak. But as that really doesn’t seem to happen I may have to just record them anyway. Something else I have not done yet because my brain is smush is to try editing things.
I have said it many times before that I want to work on my fear of failure, but my fear of failure always wins and I recoil back into old habits of not giving myself opportunities, not taking opportunities that may come my way, convincing myself that this is my lot on life and I just need to pout up and shut up. But this is generational trauma that I have to break in order for generations after me not to have to deal with this shit. Sure I may not end up where I want to be in life but I promised my grandma that I would at leat try, I fully intend to honour this promise to her.
Here is to another year, may it not go as fast as the past two years, may it offer us all opportunities for growth one way or another, and may you all stay as well as you can be.