I am pretty sure that taking 2020 as a learning experience is going to be the best way to take the shit storm that was last year. It has been so much easier finding the negatives than has been trying to find what possible lessons they help.
For me, winter isn’t just the time of year where I want to eat all of the carbs and hibernate, but also seeing it as a natural time of reflection. I always seem to of lived in tune with the seasons not just for growing food but I also with my own personal growth.
So what has 2020 taught me? Apart from learning how TikTok works..
Well for one thing, just how many racists, right wingers, transphobic, and homophobic people I know, and have now deleted from social media or distanced myself from. Oh and not to mention the amount of covid deniers, conspiracy theorists and antimaksers. Learning to avoid even starting a conversation with them has been a really important part of last year and something I am trying to stick to this year. As much as I can anyway, which is all we can ever promise ourselves with everything in life.
It has taught me to of eventually accept that I am chronically ill and disabled, including accepting that my writing isn’t what it use to be. This wouldn’t of been made possible by Youtube. Yes, there we are I said it. “The Tube of the You” has been my biggest support network this past year. Admittedly these parasocial relations I have with creators can be seen as not being the most conventionally supportive but I have felt more validated from them than anyone IRL. They have become my go to support network. They have helped me understand the toxicity I was still letting into my life and holding onto without realising. (This I think is deserving of its own post) but heck it has even led me to start my own channel. There may be only two videos on there as I am writing this, my fearful inner dialogue gets in the way of me uploading a lot of the time, my other half is working from home (like so many especially as we are all currently in national lock down number three) which isn’t the most helpful, as I need to find a place to film that won’t get interrupted by a sudden work call. I could, of course edit it out if I had learnt how. Tech related things do not come natural to me, I have never really been a huge fan of computers so never learnt how but I have joined skillshare so I have the means to learn at least. My plan is to create more content as the value of finding those that can a positive impact on your life is so important and if I can give that feeling back while at the same time giving me something to do and focus on then that would be perfect. The only goal I have is to try and make regular content that one day is edited. I can but dream about having the quality content of the people I watch, I am not ruling it out.
I am in the process of finding assistance aids that I will need to be able to adapt my abilities to the life I want to create. One thing I have noticed is that the average target market for these are pretty much my grandma. Now I fully understand why she has always complained about such things. Are there any companies out there that design these things without them looking “medical”
They also are not cheap, I didn’t realise just how more expensive your living costs are when you need help. I will also be doing this on my own. I can not find a carer, and I can not really on others. I have to accept this, which is of course not approving. 2021 is going to be the perfect year for the changes I need to make, I am not going to be going anywhere.
I have to redesign the garden a little in order to grow as much food as possible in the space I have. My garden really has to become my sanctuary. Id like to update my chill out house and add areas in my garden where I can sit and paint, crochet, or just chill with my chickens. My home needs to become more of the retreat I have always wanted, talking of my home, my actual house also needs to get finished sorting out and a lick of paint put on the walls.
The last and the most wonderful thing this year has shown is that babies really do not wait for anyone.
I am not talking about my friends or the Youtubers who are having or already had babies (although I am still very happy for them) I am talking about it from a much more personal perspective. After trying for 5 years, tests that told them that conceiving naturally may not happen, and yet in three months time I am going to be made a grandma. My eldest is absolutely over the moon, they’ve wanted to be parents for so long it was heart breaking, but for them to conceive naturally especially after so much bad news by gods I still cry with happiness. I had never really counted on being a grandma like some parents are as I never, ever wanted to presume or try and pressure my children to have their own.
Now we know it is happening oh my gods I have plans, and so many of them. My house and garden will need changing for this new addition. I have already planned on growing branches from the two trees my own children planted, together so that they have enough time to intertwine and strengthen in time for my grandchild to use a swing.
So what did 2020 teach you?