This time next week I will be 45 and by gods the run up has been emotional. There are some big upheavals and decisions having to be made in order for me to get my life on the way to being sorted.
I am still very much alone in it all, which isn’t ideal but also not the end of the world. I am finding the inner strength I thought I had used up. I promised my late grandma that I would not settle in life like she did. We use to have so many heart filled conversations I could really do with her input right now. She’s helped me my whole life in changing things, being there to support me, tell me off, and then guide me back on track.
I do find it hard being housebound, as I would seek woodlands and fields for clarity but next week I am going to Wales over night so this is going to be my true thinking time and of course fresh start. It will be a new year for me after all and what better way to start it than waking up in my favourite country. If I could drive or travel on my own then I would be going there more and more. I need to move there. Will it be possible to be there before I am 50? By gods that sounds old. But I have to push myself more and more if there is going to be any chance at all of it happening.
So what are the plans?
First there is going to be a website that will be separate to this blog and will offer ways of purchasing the things I make, and eventually well-being services. I know this is usually frowned upon as it can come across as mixed up and messy. Well my life is mixed up and “messy” and I fully plan on treating it as though it is a physical emporium, full of magic, wonder owned by a little eccentric hippie lady that offers chats and advice over a cuppa. But the plan is to have a shop ready for business by the Autumn which should also give me enough time to get the help to sort out my workroom, find stock etc.
Youtube ( Dandelion Mel) is by biggest hurdle that needs to be overcome. No matter how I try I can not seem to get editing stuck into my brain, its as though the information just went stay in there. But I am getting better. I need to start taking footage on my actual camera as well as my phone I think, but the production value still bothers me. Why? Well because I am still finding it hard not to judge my own production to that of already successful content creators. I have so many interests and content ideas I want to explore it is quite exciting.
Tiktok ( theproverbialdandelion ) is already going quite well. I have finally shown off some of the things I make and got some fantastic feedback. It has also help me get use to dealing with negative comments. As someone who doesn’t care what people say to me irl, I have found that online is so much easier to handle, they’re not even as bad as what I’ve had walking down the street. Judgmental people are every where after all, the Internet may seem as though it has more trolls but it also full of wonderful people from all over the world.
Going back to the finding help part. I have asked too many times to be let down every single time. This has caused lots of confusion in my brain. You see I am all for people putting their own lives first, I know my upbringing and the way I am programmed means that I put everyone else first. Do things to make their lives a little easier etc. I always come last. I have been waiting on others for far too long and I am not willing to wait anymore. This whole thing is going to be more than a challenge